Hey! well, I am here. hanging on. all the chemo is done and I hope I NEVER EVER have to do any of that again, still feeling all the bad side effects though. Transplant went ok, very boring and just worn out by that point. I ended up having 5 bags of cells pushed back in, a good average number. So now I am taking 10 + pills a day purely as preventative plus whatever they IV into me each day at the clinic.

Today I hit the neutropenic point which means my white blood cells are extremely, dangerously low. I don't touch anything, I wear a mask outside my door and am just super careful. My nurse said this is a low point but could continue to go down hill. I could have another week of counts dropping and transfusions needed but also just feeling like I can't go on another moment. It is a chore just to get to the bathroom and then back to bed without a rest. I hurt, I am nauseous, my lips are shredding, I am tired all the time and I alternate between sleeping and dozing.

So far now we are just doing day by day and really just getting through each step in the day is all I can focus on. I think I want to write or call but as soon as I have the thought it is too much and I am exhausted. and sad but true.... I don't even miss much from home. I want to miss my kids but I can't even get that far. makes me sad.